*I wrote this last night but I’m posting it now, after my fantastic experience with my new hair girl. 6 inches, gone!*
This might sound ridiculous,but I have a my first hair appointment since before my broken leg/ankle tear in 10 hours. I am WICKED anxious!!! I used to crave getting my hair done, but this hellacious injury has given me so much fucking anxiety about most things to do with my body. I know it’s just hair, and that she’s not cutting me open, but DAMN IT. I’ve been a moody mess all day. PTSD is legit (not that I ever doubted it). But when most of my outings since September have involved my handsome surgeon including 2 surgeries and MANY post op appointments, physical therapy, getting casts, boots, braces, bandages, stitches, etc. it’s so easy for my body to remain in the, “oh shit, leaving for appointments is bad because only pain will result from this!” mode. I also know it’s partly joy I’m feeling at finally doing something good for myself, intentionally, after looking like a mess for months, wearing way too big pants to fit my cast/bandages, and my crazy long hair always in a tangled heap on my head. I am literally crying as I write this because I’m thinking about the possibility of crying tomorrow when I FINALLY look a little like myself again, and not this unmade up, yoga pants and tshirt wearing “existing rather than living” person I’ve become. I’m also joyous knowing that I’m SO DAMN CLOSE to getting my life back 100% as soon as my surgeon gives me the go ahead. We take so much shit for granted that I have told myself to never do so again. Never! The simplest things become the largest luxuries. Cherish everything, everyday.